I spent the last 24 hours wondering or no if I should say “happy birthday.” Am i supposed to? Am I supposed to want to utter the words when the person who’s birthday it is, isn’t even here anymore? They don’t get another year to live. There isn’t happiness.
There is a whole lot of empty. No birthday wishes, no gifts, no going out for a lunch/dinner, no birthday cake, no smiles, no effin thing.
I cannot get over the fact that you were only 52. Granted you’ve seen more days, years even than some people, but that doesn’t make it fair. I just want more time with you. I want to be able to still learn from you. I want to look over when I’m feeling down and knowing I have somewhere to rest my head, the only lap that magically takes my worries away.
I cannot begin to imagine how my dad must be feel. A birthday on the 16th, an anniversary two days later.
Ugh. Sometimes life is meant for you to just get punched in the gut. Sometimes that pain doesn’t go away.